[Excuse the foul language and the touch of rambling. I'm fed up.]
From as long as I can remember, I have always been the “neutral party” when a friend of mine has gotten into with another friend. There was one instance in high school, A messed with B’s crush. I remember this ish vividly. I told B what A did, and A stopped talking to me altogether. So who looked like the bad person? ME, though I wasn’t the one being a tool found in Home Depot. Ever since, I listen to both sides of a story, but I won't go back and tell what one party said about the other.
But, today, I’m totally rethinking this neutral shit. Recently, I was given the cold shoulder by one party, and sub-tweeted by another. It’s obvious everyone doesn’t have the same mentality I have, hasn’t been through the same shit I’ve been through, and aren’t the same age as me. During undergrad, I held a lot of ish in when I would get upset because I don’t like conflict and I am such an introvert. I have a “think first, speak second” mentality; and the times when I would lash out without thinking, I’d felt like crap afterwards. It’s just who I am. I guess I should blame my zodiac sign, but I don’t know the qualities of folk who are under my new zodiac sign, Ophucurself*.
But anyway, I’d wait until anger would really build up inside of me, and then confront someone…months later. I know, wacktastical. But as I’ve gotten older, and realizing that worry lines in my face take away from my youthful looks, I speak up. That’s what adults do. If I have a question about something that’s bothering me, I’m going to ask. These experiences have molded me into the person I am today.
So the gear has been shifted from “Neutral” to “Drive” and I’m moving on from this bullshit.
Cuz for the umpteenth time in the past 3 years of my life, I’m guilty by ASSociation and ASSumptions.
Because I chose to be a friend.
K to the…
*I don't mess with that new sign astrologically, though.