"And it came to me...like an epiphany..."

*Very personal, so, excuse me.*

Anybody who is on Twitter or Tumblr knows of the vast amount of information that is shared on a daily basis.  Whether it's someone sharing their personal issues or just sharing what's going on in the world.  Well, yesterday, I read a post on Tumblr from someone who is dealing with depression and it made me think.

I don't suffer from depression, but I've been in a relationship with someone who dealt with depression.  I, personally, don't know how it feels to deal with depression; but I know I wanted to be there for him when he was feeling down.  I wanted him to tell me what was wrong.  I wanted to be the one who held him in my scrawny arms, kissed him on the forehead and said "I'm here."  After awhile, I learned certain behaviors of those who'd suffer from depression.  There was one that bothered me the most: not wanting to be around others, including significant others.  It made me feel useless, but I respected his wishes.

So yesterday, when I was reading that person's post, I had an epiphany about myself.  I HATE not being able to help the ones I love.  And I don't mean, someone asking for $20 and I only have $3; I'm talking deeper than that. 

Hating that I can't help others ties into one of the negative qualities I possess...which is being controlling.  This "controlling" part of me only shows in certain situations; other than that, I am a very patient person (See: celibacy and going natural. You can't be impatient going through this! hahaha).  But, when it comes to certain things I have ABSOLUTELY no control over...not so much.  And, I've been working on it.

This epiphany hit me while I was walking to lunch yesterday, and I felt so much better after acknowledging it.  The more self-evaluating I do, the more things start to make sense.  Just another part of growing up, I guess.

K to the...


Ok, We Get It: Part deux